So this is my very first time blogging and I'm not 100% sure how to work this site, but I'm going to give it a shot.
I watched yesterdays episode of Anderson and it seemed like there was a lot of tension between the stay at home moms and the working moms. Let's first get one thing straight, being a mom is hard work PERIOD. Whether you leave the home for work or you stay home with your children, you're still working. So far I've been lucky enough to dabble a little in both worlds. I've worked on and off whenever we needed a little extra cash. I finally started a pretty steady job when my daughter was about 2-1/2 and worked there for a little over a year. I'm very protective of my kids and will only leave them in the care of their father, his mother, and my mother so their dad would stay home with them during the day and we worked opposite schedules.
As a working mother and full-time student, the following is an example of my average day. I would be up all night with my nocturnal son while also trying to get my homework done in between his cries. At 7 am I was expected to be bright eyed and bushy tailed for work. Trying to get the maximum amount of rest possible, I would skip a healthy breakfast and makeup (at least I got a shower) and I would rush into work. Then I would wait for the texts from Kyle (aka Dad)... "Where's the tylenol?" "Why wont Allister nap?" "Stop on your way home and get milk." "WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME?!" So for most of the day I had my children on my mind. Maybe not in the forefront, but every 30 minutes or so I would wonder what they were doing, if they were being naughty, if they were being cared for the way that I would care for them.
Honestly though, work was kind of like a mini-vacation for me. I got to go to the bathroom with the door closed without someone sitting on the floor watching me. I got to sit in peace and quiet without someone saying, "Mom" over and over again. I got to eat my lunch without adorable little grubby fingers in it. AND my lunch was nice and hot, not like at home where the second my lunch is ready someone decides it's the perfect time to poop in their diaper. But best of all I got to have adult conversations and I got respect. At work I was the expert at what I did and no one really questioned it. I knew what I was doing and was confident in my decisions.
After work I would rush home to find the house in complete disarray, half naked baby crawling through the house, Audrey usually in time-out because she and her daddy always butt heads. I hear, "I gotta go to work, bye, love you, good luck." Then I was alone with two kids who missed their mommy and needed 100% of her attention RIGHT NOW. I could hardly even get out of my work clothes and use the bathroom, but it was such a relief to be with the little ones that I had sorely missed all day. For the rest of the night I would do everything one armed, carrying little Allister in the other. Household chores slid a little. Neither of us had the time! I threw a load of laundry/dishes in when I had the chance, but other than that the house was less than presentable, to say the least. And I'm a neat freak so it drove me crazy. Crafts/playtime, dinner (whatever is fast and easy), baths, stories, bedtime...then mom's homework time and Allister's bedtime party. Repeat.
Finally, Kyle and I had had enough. I wasn't really giving my all to neither work nor school, and Kyle realized he didn't have the patience or energy to watch the kids alone all day. I've been a stay at home mom of 2 kids since mid-September. I'm also still a full-time student. Here's an example of my day now. I wake up at 7am and quietly wake up Audrey praying that we don't wake Allister. My daughter is hard enough to handle in the morning I definitely don't need two cranky kids. I get her ready for school and drop her off at 7:45am. If it's Monday or Friday the 2 month old little girl that I care for is dropped off at 8am, but that's a completely different situation and craziness all by itself, so I'll just focus on an average day. By the time I get back from dropping off my daughter, my son is awake. I feed him breakfast while I try to nibble on something, but I usually just get coffee. My son is one of those kids that will probably end up with stitches before his second birthday. Some of his favorites include: chewing on electrical plugs, playing with outlets, climbing bookshelves, playing in the toilet, crawling into small spaces and getting stuck, and smacking his head. Walk, NO!, gentle, quietly and "can't" aren't in his dictionary. So I chase him around the house all day while trying to do laundry, dishes, and household chores. I read a quote once that said cleaning while the kids are awake is like shoveling during a snow storm and I completely agree. When he takes a nap I try to shower and exercise...that is if I don't have homework, laundry, and cleaning up after lunch which in this house is a game called "How Much Food Can I Get Everywhere but in My Mouth." So, yeah, sometimes I don't get to shower everyday. That may or may not be and understatement. I also end up wearing lounge pants everywhere because I'm just going to get full of thrown food and god-knows-what anyways. Lately I've been running errands in said lounge pants. The other day I changed my shirt because I got baby snot all over it and Kyle said, "Where are you going all dressed up?" That's sad. I hardly get a chance to eat during the day and when/if I do Allister's all over it and I end up feeding it to him. I pick up Audrey around 2pm and my nights are pretty much the same as when I was working except that now it's easier for me to plan and cook a healthy dinner, that I rarely get to enjoy. I also handle all of the kids medical appointments and Audrey's ballet. Oh and if everyone gets sick at the same time, I get to take care of everyone...except myself of course.
My hair's a mess because I don't have the extra cash to get it done and I feel guilty asking Kyle to pay for something that seems so trivial. I don't go out with my friends for the same reason. The only adult conversation I get is at school and, sadly, on facebook. And the worst part is that no matter what decisions I make there is someone there telling me that I am doing it wrong. There's no such thing as a mom expert. I have doctors, teachers, friends/other moms, and the media telling me that I'm doing this all wrong. I don't get respect for being a stay at home mother. Now, thanks to Anderson's show, I see that I'm also fat and lazy.
Obviously not everyone's situation is exactly like mine, but all mothers should know that it's not easy being a mom. Someone is always telling you that you're not making the best decision for your child. I just try to make the best decisions for my family. I don't mind sacrificing so much because I know that my son will be in school when he's 4 and I'll go back to work and life will go on. I have nothing but respect and empathy for working mothers. I guess all I would ever ask for is the same in return.
I also think that women in general have such a terrible lack of respect for each other. We've all been there and done that. We've all been told that we're not pretty enough, we're not thin enough, we're not smart enough. We get laughed at and ridiculed and treated like objects. We're always trying to prove ourselves to others. It's about time we start supporting each other. I support and understand a mother's decision to keep on working, and I also support and understand why a mother would want to stay home.
There's my opinion.
